


Precious, Brief

by chipperdyke, MagicNonCreator



Series: Shredded Gossamer Series [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Angst, Bellamione Cult: May Event 2020, F/F, Graphic Description of Corpses, Miscarriage, No Happy Ending Fest, Same Age, Underage Sex, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:07:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24051064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chipperdyke/pseuds/chipperdyke, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicNonCreator/pseuds/MagicNonCreator
Summary: Bellatrix Black should protect her own virtue and meet her family's expectations. Defying them, Bellatrix can have what she really wants... but now it is only a memory.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Bellatrix Black Lestrange
Series: Shredded Gossamer Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1744324
Comments: 12
Kudos: 103





	Precious, Brief

**Author's Note:**

> Read the tags they are your warnings!

Bellatrix remembered running barefoot through the corridors of Hogwarts. The hour was too late, the upper reaches of the school were too deserted, and they were too old to be playing this game. But Narcissa was in a foul mood today, and it was Hermione's night to patrol this part of the castle so they knew they wouldn't be caught. It was Andy's idea, and Hermione agreed to it, with a look in her eye that told Bella she planned to play something other than hide-and-go-seek.

Hermione raced after Bella, hot on her heels, silent, eyes dancing, and Bella giggled despite herself and ran faster. They found a bathroom with a nice rug, a closed door separate from the other stalls, and Hermione pinned Bella to the door and kissed her. 

"Caught you," she growled. 

Liquid gold ran through Bella's veins. "Andy will probably find us soon," she told Hermione, resisting the urge to hike up her own skirts. It was unbecoming to be so eager. Bella had given up her virtue to the older girl in a moment of indiscretion, and every time they met afterward it became easier to justify. It wasn't anything new, now, although the thrill was as great as it had been the first time. 

"I'd better be quick, then." Hermione grinned and hooked her finger around the top of Bella's underwear, dragging them down. Bella's hips jerked, betraying her arousal, and Hermione pressed their lips together to muffle the sound of their meeting. 

Bella slipped out the bathroom when Hermione was finished with her. It was quick, as Hermione had promised. Too quick; Bella had wanted more almost immediately. She let her hand rest briefly on her lower belly, wondering, and then heard footfalls and turned to run away. Her sister shouted after her in hot pursuit.

Sixth year was boring, more than all the rest. The thrill and excitement of new subjects was gone, and deep dives into their NEWT subjects did not suit Bella. Graduation seemed too close - her own, and her arranged marriage to Rudolphus, but even more achingly, Hermione's. In September, Bella was already counting down the weeks until she lost the older girl, and that was before anything had happened between them at all. Before their first kiss, and their first physical encounter in the prefects' bath. Before - before… 

A good quarter of the students dropped out after finishing their fifth year, including the girl who'd been Bellatrix's closest friend. The houses mingled the night after the final Quidditch match in a party under the boughs of the Forbidden forest, kegs of lager smuggled in for the event, Gryffindor triumphant, Hufflepuff destitute, Slytherin too far behind this year to care. Bella had met Hermione Granger properly that night, and her world had shifted its axis.

That was at the end of last year. Hermione was Head Girl this year, a Chaser. Bella had never had so much interest in Quidditch before. Now, every game she clung to the railing, shouting herself hoarse. She often thought that she was shaming her family's good name by acting like a groupie - for a Gryffindor player, no less - but that was not the worst way she shamed them, now. Not by a long shot. 

Bella snuck into her dormitory, seeing the two other sixth-year Slytherins sleeping in their beds. They were used to Bella's late nights by now. 

She undressed and put on her nightdress, smoothing the fabric over her soft hips, tracing the fullness of her breasts. She slipped between the soft sheets of her bed, indulging herself in a brief feeling of contentment. Hermione had been so attentive, so engaged. Bella put her hand under the sheets, probing herself. She was always so wet, now! She'd never experienced her own body so intensely. It felt like a flowering, the discovery of something so fresh and pure, coaxed into it by Hermione. Bella thought she would never have found this part of herself without the older girl. She couldn't regret it, even if - whatever might happen next. 

Bella wrapped her arms around herself and imagined that she was being held by Hermione. Her heart had been so full - it was inevitable that reality would come crashing back down on her, and she shook with the impact. It was January. Hermione had gotten five informal job offers and a formal one with the Ministry of Magic. She would leave Hogwarts, and Bella. Bella bit the inside of her cheek and squeezed her eyes shut against the tears. Not for the first time, she pressed her hand on her own stomach, feeling something like hope in her chest. 

The feeling was chased quickly by dread. Bella was frozen between the two extremes. She knew she could test her own blood - she'd gone so far as to look up the potion, it wasn't complicated - but she didn't want to know. Rather, she knew already what had happened, so what was the point in confirming it? But she had to tell Hermione. Didn't she? How long could she wait, holding this secret safe from everyone but herself?

She'd always thought it would be Andy who was disowned. Andy was dating a Mudblood, too, and planned to marry him. It was a choice that Andy would make. Not like Bella's situation, which was a choice that forced Bella's hand. 

And all she wanted to do was run to Hermione for protection from it. Hermione was a Mudblood, but perhaps she was strong enough to stand up to House Black. They could appeal to Dumbledore and McGonagall. Bella couldn't protect herself from her family alone. 

Sickness swirled in her stomach. She was abruptly terrified, desperate. She longed for Hermione deeply. Hermione had never indicated to her any plan to continue their relationship after she left Hogwarts. Bella was a school fling to her. She looked forward to a full, adult life that would begin upon her graduation. And Bella's life would end on that day. 

Maybe Hermione would send her to her family to deal with the problem. She wouldn't want to be held back from the life she wanted. She wouldn't want to make enemies of the Blacks, to be responsible for both Bella and - and a baby. A baby. 

Bella shuddered. She felt a deep chill run across her skin. She couldn't sleep like this. She slipped back out of bed and put on a black robe over her white nightdress, leaving the Slytherin dorm, padding along the stairways and winding up to the Gryffindor tower. 

She whispered the password to the Fat Lady, who rolled her eyes at Bella but swung open obligingly. She tapped her wand on Hermione's doorknob, closing the door quietly behind her, and took off her robe.

Hermione stirred sleepily when Bella slipped into bed beside her, and Bella wrapped her arms around the older girl, shaking. 

"What time is it?" Hermione mumbled. 

"I don't know," Bella said. 

"You're really cold," Hermione said, seeming to wake more fully. She pulled the blankets up over Bella's shoulders and rubbed her forearms briskly. "Why are you shaking?" She kissed Bella's temple. "A dream?"

"This all feels like a dream," Bella told her. She clung to Hermione's body, burrowing her face in the older girl's neck. "You know I'm going back home for Mother's birthday."

"Next week. Yeah."

A spike of cold dread entered Bella's heart. If Hermione didn't want this, didn't want a future with Bella, didn't want - didn't want a baby now - that was when Bella would need to tell her mother, and submit to her mother's treatment. It would be handled discreetly. Bella would be given over to the Lestranges after school, and she'd die slowly for the rest of her life. 

Hermione didn't even seem to be upset that Bella would be gone. _A school fling,_ Bella reminded herself, swallowing the lump in her throat. She shook so hard that Hermione felt it. 

"What's wrong, Bella?" she asked her. She waved her hand at the bedside lamp and pushed Bella's hair away from her face to look at her in the light. "You're crying."

Bella swallowed, deeply ashamed. No. It didn't have to happen now, in January. But Easter break would likely be too late. She would be showing then. If Hermione would protect her, Bella couldn't go home then. She'd stay safe, at Hogwarts. Bella wanted so desperately to remain as she was, to freeze this moment before the decision had to be made - to keep the baby safe with her, to remain whole - 

But she had to tell Hermione now. She couldn't wait until Easter. She kissed Hermione's lips, and Hermione responded, kissing her, fingers tracing lazy lines up the inside of Bella's thigh. Bella turned on her back, opening her legs, wanting nothing more than to be closer to Hermione. There was no sense of safety in their pairing, but it was - it was something close enough. 

Hermione rolled onto Bella, propping herself up on both arms and looking down at her. 

"Something is wrong," she said slowly. "Is it Rudolphus? Did he do something?"

Bella shook her head, unable to control her tears. 

"Your family? Earlier everything was fine, I thought." Hermione's brow was furrowed. 

Bella had never demanded any emotional assurances from Hermione. She couldn't imagine how to begin now. And Hermione clearly had no idea what was wrong.

"I don't want to marry him," Bella started. 

Hermione frowned. "I told you, you don't have to."

She _had_ said that. Bella hadn't known how to respond. It was the day before they'd first kissed. They hadn't talked about it since, and Bella hadn't done anything with the information. She wasn't ready to be disowned by her family, not without some assurance from Hermione, and Hermione made no promises to her. 

Something in her whispered, _I want to marry you. Not Rudolphus. And I want this baby._

Bella felt hysteria building in her chest, and closed her eyes, turning her face and sucking lightly on the inside of Hermione's wrist. "I want you," Bella mumbled, hoping that Hermione understood what she meant. The words could be interpreted to mean something less than they did, which was the only reason Bella could say them at all. 

Hermione put her other hand on Bella's cheek. "I want you," she returned softly. "Look at me, Bella."

Bella opened her eyes. Hermione's eyes were dark and solemn, and Bella's heart dipped. She hiccuped, and then giggled in embarrassment, without successfully stopping her own tears.

"You have to tell me," Hermione coaxed. "Tell me what happened."

Bella shook her head, gasping. "Please. You tell me. What do you want?"

"Well," Hermione said, a slight smile playing around her lips. She lay down beside Bella, putting her hand down between Bella's breasts. Bella put her hand over Hermione's, feeling a comforting quiet come over her. "You'll be in school next year. If you broke your engagement with Rod, by the time you graduate, I'll have a flat and be settled in a job. You could disappear. Come and live with me."

Bella breathed out slowly, the words a salve to her torn and bleeding heart. "I want to do that," she said quickly. _Just a year earlier than you're thinking._ "You'd protect me from them?"

Hermione grinned, pulling her hand out of Bella's to wipe the tears from her cheeks. "Is that what changed? You've decided to defy your family?"

"Not exactly," Bella said softly. The urgency she felt faded somewhat. She had a few days, yet. She'd tell Hermione tomorrow. 

She was exhausted. Hermione's caresses comforted her. The smell of the older girl was everywhere. Bella turned to face her, wrapping her arms around Hermione, kissing her neck. 

"Close enough, though?" Hermione pressed gently. 

"Maybe," Bella told her, not wanting to lie. She didn't normally stay the night with Hermione, but today felt like a good day to risk it. She couldn't imagine taking the long, cold journey back down to the dungeons, not after the long night so far. She just wanted rest.

"All right," Hermione said. She relaxed, her breath evening out. Bella matched her breath to Hermione's, allowing the rhythm of it to lull her to sleep. 

  
  


Bellatrix remembered the last time they spoke. She hadn't wanted to attend graduation, but it was Rod's graduation, too, so she had to be there. Hermione had come to her during the after party, having waited until Rod left her side, stumbling into the woods to relieve himself.

"It's not over," Hermione told her, as if by pure conviction she could change the fabric of reality. "I'm not giving you up."

Bella had turned and walked away from her, and for once Hermione did not let her go. She grabbed Bella's arm, and Bella wrenched away from her, feeling only the cold nothingness that consumed her now. She recalled an afternoon in the courtyard, what felt like so long ago, and the same interaction which had ended so differently then.

"Don't you understand," Bella said lowly, the words crisp and piercing even in her own ears. "You are a ghost now. You're nothing but a memory."

"You wanted me. More than anything. Touch me, Bella. I am as real as I was last year." She looked around the clearing, which did happen to be the same one where they first met. "We can start again." Hermione swallowed thickly, stepping close to Bella, and Bella smelled the tantalizing scent of all she ever wanted. 

Bella stepped away, and she and Rod left the party before Hermione started a brawl.

  
  


Bellatrix remembered the large prefects' bathtub at midnight. Hermione was confident stripping, and Bella was shy. She kept reminding herself that this wasn't the same as being naked in front of a boy - Hermione was beautiful, and had kissed Bella, but that didn't mean that being naked meant anything in particular. They'd had a lovely Saturday together, a long hike in the rugged hills north of Hogwarts. They'd rested together on the cliffs overlooking the lake, and everything else in the world had seemed so small.

Hermione's body was slender but powerful. Her shoulders were well-muscled as she swam a short distance away from Bella, giving Bella physical space, perhaps noticing that Bella was shy. Bella stripped quickly and slipped into the water, and Hermione gave her a heart-stopping smile. 

They drifted closer together. Nobody else was here - it was midnight, after all - Bella was not sleepy at all. She was energized by Hermione. She was less shy with her body obscured by the water. 

Finally, Hermione was close enough to touch, and Bella reached out a hand under the water. Their fingers brushed, and Bella shuddered. 

And then Hermione came closer, closing the last gap between their lips. Their naked skin slid against the other's. When Hermione's hand drifted from Bella's hip around between her legs, Bella wrapped both legs around her and nudged against her touch welcomingly, thinking briefly that she might regret this. It felt too good for any thought like that to linger long. 

She woke up the next day with a light heart, turning in her bed and giggling without knowing exactly why. She had a few blissful moments as she recalled the prior night, and then a blanket of suffocating shame made her breath shallow. What would her parents think, if they knew? And a _Mudblood,_ to boot! A woman! Not her betrothed, or any eligible candidate at all. Nowhere close to a real match for Bella. It was so impossible to imagine that Bella hadn't - hadn't thought for even a moment that Hermione might try for _that,_ and thus hadn't been able to prepare, to coach herself into resisting it. Instead, she'd let her body lead, to take exactly what - exactly what she couldn't have.

Maybe that was what made her want it so much. She hadn't ever wanted anything more, she thought morosely. It was weak of her. She must uphold her family's values, retain her own virtue - do everything she was expected to do, and nothing that she actually wanted for herself - she loathed Hermione for doing this to her. 

Hermione sat with her and her sisters for lunch that day, asking Narcissa whether her Potions exam had gone well first of all, and returning Bella's stare with a flirtatious wink. 

The Mudblood was too bold. Surely she did not think she deserved what she'd gotten from Bella the night before! Bella's breath caught with indignation, and she stood and walked away from the table with a straight spine.

Hermione chased after her, catching her as she began crossing the courtyard. "Bellatrix!" she called, but Bella didn't turn to look at her. 

"Oy, Bella!" she called again, and her hand closed around Bella's forearm.

Bella pulled her arm away instantly. "Don't you dare touch -"

Hermione's hand dropped to her side, eyes as hurt as Bella had ever seen them. "Oh," she said softly. "Sorry, I - I thought -"

"Don't wink like that at me," Bella told her. She cast a quick glance around them, and seeing nobody around, stepped closer so that they were nose-to-nose. "Don't ever think that you deserve me. I'm not one of your sluts."

Hermione's breath wooshed out of her. "You're not!" she managed. "Definitely - not -"

"You don't own any part of me. You have no right to sit at the Slytherin table, Mudblood."

"All right," Hermione said. She put up her hands, stepping backward. 

Bella's breath caught in her chest and she stepped forward, keeping the distance between them. Hermione's eyes widened, and Bella flicked her gaze toward a door at the edge of the courtyard that led to an unused tower. 

Hermione opened the door, and Bella followed her through to stand on the second stair up. It was musty and dark, silent. Bella wrapped her arms around Hermione's shoulders. She was shorter than Bella with the boost from the stairs. 

Bella kissed her deeply, standing there, and Hermione let her take the lead from then on. 

  
  


Bellatrix remembered cramps in Advanced Transfiguration class, cramps that made her double down in pain. She'd had cramps before, but nothing approaching this. The pain was blinding, enough that her vision was hazy. She coughed, feeling a cold sweat break out on her skin, and then she threw up onto her lap in the middle of class. 

She grabbed her wand with slippery fingers and cleaned the mess up, and then she staggered upright and fled, taking refuge in the bathroom on the next floor. The pain diminished slightly, and then came roaring back, and Bella heaved emptily and wished blankly for Hermione. 

Her wish was granted an hour later. Her Transfiguration class was doubles with Gryffindor, and one of the other students must have told Hermione that something happened. Their relationship was open, now - there was no avoiding that, as much as Bella might have hoped for privacy. 

"What's wrong?" Hermione asked from outside the stall. "The morning sickness is back?"

There was a short silence, and then Hermione must have seen the pooled blood on the tiling and she burst through the stall door, dropping to her knees instantly. 

"Go away," Bella pled fruitlessly.

"Oh, no," Hermione said frantically. "You're not going to send me away. We have to go to the infirmary. Madam - Madam Malfoy might -" her face paled further. "Maybe we should go to Dumbledore. Bella!"

"Nobody can help now," Bella told her throatily. "Maybe it's better -"

"Don't say that!" Hermione grabbed her arms in two strong hands and wrenched Bella up to her feet. "You've been poisoned. I should have guessed this might -"

"I knew it would happen," Bella told her listlessly. "There is nothing we can do now." She leaned against her lover's chest, reeling, sick. 

"The baby," Hermione said. "They can save her. You've got to come -" 

Bella followed her for a few steps before her knees failed her, and Hermione caught her up to carry her, knees over an arm and shoulders over the other. She made it to the end of the corridor before putting Bella back on her feet and casting the levitation charm on her to make her lighter. She picked her back up and trotted quickly down the corridor. The motion made Bella's stomach roil, and then the pain roared through Bella again and she clung to Hermione's neck with slick, clammy hands. 

Hermione glanced down at her when her grip loosened. "You're so pale. You should have called me immediately. Bella, we won't let this happen. It can't!" 

"The poison went to her first," Bella told her softly, lips pressed against Hermione's neck. "I couldn't tell what had happened until it was done. It's already -"

"How could you know that?" Hermione's voice was almost a shriek. 

"I know," Bella whispered. 

"Bubblegum toffee," Hermione told the gargoyle outside the Headmaster's office, and the statue stepped aside.

Dumbledore directed Hermione to lay Bella down onto a conjured couch. Bella allowed him to examine her, too dizzy and sick to care. He looked stern, older than Bella had ever seen him. 

"We should have left school before the end of the year," Hermione said, pacing. "I thought you'd protect us. But you'll fix it now. We'll leave tomorrow." The baby was supposed to be born a few weeks after Hermione's graduation. It had seemed like good timing. 

"There's nothing we can do now," Dumbledore told Hermione grimly. "Just make her comfortable. You may bring her to your room."

"No," Hermione said. Her face was drained of color, ghost-like. Probably like Bella's own. Bella was wracked with pain, and she threw her arm over her eyes and put up her knees, trying vainly to escape her body. "You fix it. Fix it now."

"It's done," Dumbledore repeated. "All you can do is let her rest."

It was mid-May. They'd gotten so close. Bella turned on the couch and threw up bile onto the floor, and Hermione screamed in frustration. 

She held Bella's hand in her Head Girl's room when their baby was born, wrapping the tiny, still body in a blanket. She put the baby's body on the bed beside Bella, and Bella turned away from the two of them as Hermione cast a seemingly endless litany of spells.

"Burn it," Bella told her when she stopped. 

"No," Hermione said. She lay on the bed behind Bella, and Bella did not have the energy to try to comfort her. There was nothing left for her to feel - no grief, and the pain had died back into an incessant throbbing, for now - Bella tried to sleep, but Hermione was too loud behind her. Finally, she squeezed her eyes shut and blocked Hermione out completely. 

She never looked at the baby, not once. She didn't want to see it. She'd spent seven long months imagining the baby, and she did not want those imaginings to be destroyed irrevocably by the reality of this premature, stillborn baby.

When she woke up, it was nighttime. She cleaned her body, put on the spare robes she kept here. She glanced at Hermione, who was clutching the bundle of blankets and death to her chest as she slept.

Bella couldn't stand to see that. She turned sharply away from them both and went to the door. She never returned.

She'd told Hermione that it all felt like a dream to her. The sensation returned fully to her in the days after her miscarriage. If it was a dream, Bella could escape it, come back to reality. Return to a world that made sense. That world did not have any space for Hermione Granger. The life they'd imagined together was just that - only a dream, a fanciful escape, a brief diversion. 

Hermione approached her a few times, begging to talk. She wasn't in the pureblood circles, didn't know that Rudolphus had taken her back graciously. Damaged, soiled goods to him, which he seemed to take as permission into her bed. She learned how to protect herself from what had happened accidentally with Hermione, and endured his advances, tolerated encounters with him which were fortunately short and one-sided. 

She recognized quickly that this was the price she had to pay for having, for a brief moment, just what she wanted. And her memories would have to suffice. She'd thought she would begin to die when Hermione graduated Hogwarts. It was true - but happened a month earlier than she'd thought it would. 

  
  


Bellatrix remembered Hermione staring at her mutely across the table in her parents' winter cabin, the snow piled high outside. It was nighttime, and they were alone except for each other. It was a Saturday in February, and the day had been bright and clear. They'd hiked together. The snow was a hard pack, and Hermione had wanted to show Bella the view of the ocean from a cliff. They'd sledded back down the hill, Bella nestled securely between Hermione's legs, who held her tightly and kept the sled steady and slow down the slope. 

Bella could not have imagined a more perfect day, but Hermione continued to surprise her. Hermione had lit two tall candles for their dinner, and the flames were tall and bright, dancing between them. She'd gone down on one knee when the dishes were cleared. 

Bella still wore the ring around her neck, a simple golden band without a stone. She'd never taken the necklace off, never given the ring back. It was heavy between her breasts on her wedding day. 


End file.
